The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Now I’m in the 1ww…..

So the faint spotting still continues and I’m having dull cramping and pulling still. These are all very similar to the last time I was pregnant so I can’t help but get my hopes up. I really try hard not to go insane during these wait times….but today this is proving hard to accomplish. I don’t know why I allow myself to get like this. Last night I dreamed of getting a BFP as I do many nights but this one really felt so real. I’ve already been scrolling through web pages searching for answers and looking for clues. Is this a symptom? Is that? I’m an internet junkie and right now it is KILLING ME!! A part of me wishes I didn’t have a desire to plan things and I just randomly got knocked up. Then I could have that classic movie like experience where the women doesn’t know she’s pregnant and all of sudden she gets morning sickness and boom takes a test and it’s positive. But NO!!! Instead I have to sit here and dream and ponder and analyze and question!!!! I’m going crazy!

I’m waiting for DH to get home so we can go to the store together, I need a break from the house and plus I want to pick up some Clear Blue Digital Pregnancy Tests. I used them last time and they make it so much easier. I hate trying to interpret lines!!!

Outside of TTC things are pretty dull. The weather started to get cold and snowy again, just as the previous snow started to melt. I did get to watch LOST last night so that was a nice break from reality and gives my week a little excitement. Also DH and I are thinking about going to Church this Sunday……..If you know anything about me then you are shocked! Yes it’s true, I decided to go to church because I need to have more purpose to my life. Currently I’m not working and there’s nothing really for me to do that feels significant so I thought I’d start to do some volunteering. After all I have an amazing opportunity seeing as how for the first time it’s not needed that I contribute to the income and although I’ve offered to work just for the sake of some extra money the fact is that I enjoy my time I just wish it had more meaning. So that’s where church comes in; the best way to get out there and volunteer is through a church plus I can meet new people which since we moved to Ohio I haven’t done at all! I’m actually pretty excited about it because it will give me something to clear my mind and I need that.