Saturday, February 27, 2010

Patricia-ology

I saw this on Leslie’s Journey through Life blog and thought it would be fun to pass on!

Rules: YOU! Yes, you, reading this. You're tagged. Now that you know more about me than you ever wanted to know, play the game, it's fun! Let others know a little more about yourself, repost this as your name followedy by "ology."

FOODOLOGY:

What is your salad dressing of choice? Vinaigrette

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? We really miss Pen Thai in Bellevue, WA

What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Port of Subs, I wish we had one in Ohio

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Sub Sandwiches from Port of Subs

What are your pizza toppings of choice? Mushrooms and Provolone

How many televisions are in your house? Two

What color cell phone do you have? Black


BIOLOGY:

Are you right-handed or left-handed? Right

Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Wisdom teeth, Mole on my lower back

Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Nope

Have you ever fainted? Nope

BULLCRAPOLOGY:

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? I do not want to know my expiration date!

If you could change your name, what would you change it to? I like my name

How many pairs of flip flops do you own? Too many to count, I love ‘em

Last person you talked to? My DH


FAVORITOLOGY:

Season? Autumn

Holiday? Christmas.

Day of the week? Saturday

Month? October

Color? Turquoise

Drink? Chai tea

Alcoholic? margaritas
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CURRENTOLOGY:

Missing someone? My family back in Reno, NV

What are you listening to? Interpol

What are you watching? nothing

Worrying about? Testing……will it be BFN or BFP?

What's the last movie you saw? The Crazies

Do you smile often? Yes, and it’s contagious

If you could change your eye color what would it be? I’m a brown eyed girl and love it!

What's on your wish list for your birthday? A BFP and a happy and healthy 9 months

Can you do a chin-up? No and never could

Does the future make you more nervous or excited? BOTH

Have you been in a car wreck? A ROLLOVER!!

Have you caused a car wreck? No

Do you have an accent? No

Last time you cried? Two days ago

Plans tonight? Pizza and a movie with DH

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? No

Name three things you bought yesterday? Pregnancy tests, yogurt, movie tickets

Have you met someone who changed your life? my DH.

For the better or worse? Better of course

How did you bring in the New Year? with DH at home.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Yes.

What songs do you sing in the shower? Too many!

Have you held hands with someone today? My DH

Who was the last person you took a picture of? well not a person, but my dog!

Are most of the friends in your life new or old? Old and they live very far away. We haven’t made any friends in Ohio yet.

Do you like pulpy orange juice? I love the pulp

Last time you ate peanut butter and jelly? I eat like 2 a week.

What were you doing at 12 a.m. last night? Finishing up a movie

What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Did my temp go up??

Thursday, February 25, 2010

I NEED STRENGTH

Please give me strength…..

The urge to test is killing me, but I know it would be a huge let down if I did that because it’s probably too early!! I’m really bad at temping but for the past week I have been very diligently trying to keep my temps as accurately as possible, because earlier this month I was temping with hours of difference each day (I know that’s REALLY bad). But know I have been actively taking my temp at the same time each morning for a week. I know it’s hard to believe but I just really want to see it rise. So just so everyone knows I have found that a normal temp for me is 96.7 which I found out back in the month of October of last year. At first I was freaked out thinking I had some abnormality because my temp seemed so low, but I was reassured by my doctor that I was perfectly healthy and my temp was fine. So now that that’s settled let me begin to describe my wacky temps this cycle and hope and pray these are good signs.

CD7 I had a huge temp drop which I relate to the ending of AF

CD12-CD14 I think I may have O’d one of these days because despite the lack of +OPK I had all the other symptoms of O

CD15- CD18 my temp was much higher these days which leads me to believe I can confirm O (hopefully)

CD19-CD20 I had a big dip that I associate with Implantation

CD21-CD23 my temp went back up and was still higher than my normal temp

CD24-CD26 I had light pink discoloration to my CM which I believe to be IB

CD27 which is today; my temp jumped up another .3 degrees!

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Hopefully this means good things and if you can’t tell already I’m really getting my hopes up, which is a dangerous thing to do. I’m constantly running to the bathroom to see if AF is going to show up. PLEASE DON’T SHOW UP AF!!!

I’m still having lots of dull cramping down there and every once in a while I will feel a pulling sensation. My bb’s are so sore I can barely walk without wearing a bra. The pink spotting is now gone I think but maybe it will still show later this afternoon. Either way I usually don’t spot mid cycle and if it was AF I feel that from past experiences she would be full force by now if it was.

Silly me, I was watching A Baby Story this morning on TLC and I was sobbing and I have no idea why. I was just so happy for that family and it was so beautiful because they adopted this sweet little boy from Korea. I felt an overwhelming sense of emotion watching the happiness in that woman’s eyes as she met her little boy for the first time. I was crying so hard that I started to gasp for air. You know that feeling? When the tears are falling down so hard and so fast that you can’t even catch your breath? Yea, I was doing that. And then a moment later I just stopped and laughed at myself thinking why in the world are you crying?

So right now all my blogging friends I ask you to give me strength…

The strength to fight the urge to test until next week….

The strength to gain control of my emotions…..

The strength to not let my hopes build my expectations……

and most importantly the strength to not beat myself up if it doesn’t happen this cycle…..


I need Strength!!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Now I’m in the 1ww…..

So the faint spotting still continues and I’m having dull cramping and pulling still. These are all very similar to the last time I was pregnant so I can’t help but get my hopes up. I really try hard not to go insane during these wait times….but today this is proving hard to accomplish. I don’t know why I allow myself to get like this. Last night I dreamed of getting a BFP as I do many nights but this one really felt so real. I’ve already been scrolling through web pages searching for answers and looking for clues. Is this a symptom? Is that? I’m an internet junkie and right now it is KILLING ME!! A part of me wishes I didn’t have a desire to plan things and I just randomly got knocked up. Then I could have that classic movie like experience where the women doesn’t know she’s pregnant and all of sudden she gets morning sickness and boom takes a test and it’s positive. But NO!!! Instead I have to sit here and dream and ponder and analyze and question!!!! I’m going crazy!

I’m waiting for DH to get home so we can go to the store together, I need a break from the house and plus I want to pick up some Clear Blue Digital Pregnancy Tests. I used them last time and they make it so much easier. I hate trying to interpret lines!!!

Outside of TTC things are pretty dull. The weather started to get cold and snowy again, just as the previous snow started to melt. I did get to watch LOST last night so that was a nice break from reality and gives my week a little excitement. Also DH and I are thinking about going to Church this Sunday……..If you know anything about me then you are shocked! Yes it’s true, I decided to go to church because I need to have more purpose to my life. Currently I’m not working and there’s nothing really for me to do that feels significant so I thought I’d start to do some volunteering. After all I have an amazing opportunity seeing as how for the first time it’s not needed that I contribute to the income and although I’ve offered to work just for the sake of some extra money the fact is that I enjoy my time I just wish it had more meaning. So that’s where church comes in; the best way to get out there and volunteer is through a church plus I can meet new people which since we moved to Ohio I haven’t done at all! I’m actually pretty excited about it because it will give me something to clear my mind and I need that.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I can be an Optimist

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I happily confess that I have once again actively started working out. For those of you who are just getting to know me. I go in and out of my working out phases. But back in June of last year I started running 2 miles every day! This continued all the way into December; but it ended there because I had a m/c with our first PG. So I convinced myself that extreme workouts were probably not the best when TTC. So now 2 months have passed since the m/c and let’s just say I’m feeling a little sluggish. So I started to work out again and the past four days I have been amazed by how quickly I got out of shape. But not to fear I’m back in the game! This morning I really was not feeling up to it. I forced myself to work out for about 40 minutes this morning. There’s something significant to the feeling you get when sweat is pouring down your face, and puddles are forming in the small your back, your muscles are throbbing, the taste of guzzling down that first glass of water, and then finally that delightful shower that rejuvenates your body and mind. Aaahhhh……I feel great. Today is a good day!

For TTC matters; well for the past few days I’ve been having some twinges in my lower abdomen , my breasts have been sore, and I started to have a pinkish discharge when I wipe. Sorry if that’s TMI. I don’t want to get my hopes up but it could be IB. maybe?

Monday, February 22, 2010

My first ICLW

I’m new to blogging and thought this would be a fun way to kick it off. I’m participating in ICLW. So in honor of ICLW I thought I’d do the ABC’s of me….

THE ABC’S OF ME

A – ADVOCATE FOR: the removal of heavy TV censorship…it’s ridiculous!

B – BEST FEATURE: my hair and naturally tan

C – COULD DO WITHOUT: pregnancy loss

D – DREAMS & DESIRES: to have a beautiful child with my DH

E – ESSENTIAL ITEMS: internet, running water, and makeup.

F – FAVORITE PAST TIME: traveling, a few highlights include; Hawaii, Jamaica, Bermuda, Mexico, South Korea, and St. Maarten.

G – GOOD AT: cooking and baking!

H – HAVE NEVER TRIED: surfing….I’d like to.

I – IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS: Travel the world learning to cook different cuisines and experience different cultures.

J – JUNKIE FOR: watching movies and I cannot turn down a brownie!

K – KINDRED SPIRIT: don’t have one yet….

L – LITTLE KNOWN FACT: I’ve never had a broken bone…..ever!

M – MEMORABLE MOMENT: Getting married on October 21, 2007

N – NEVER AGAIN WILL I: drink to point that I need guidance to the bathroom and I’m repeatedly telling my DH that I think I’m dying as vomit is spraying from my mouth. That was a bad night!

O – OCCASIONAL INDULGENCE: getting my nails done, I usually don’t do those things but sometimes the mood strikes me.

P – PROFESSION: currently a stay at home wife

Q – QUOTE: “I always wondered why they were called roofies, 'cause you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. They should call 'em floories, or maybe rapies” (The Hangover)

R – REASON TO SMILE: I have a wonderful husband who loves me and would go to the ends of the world to give me anything I want or need.

S – SORRY ABOUT: sometimes not returning your calls, sometimes zoning you out, and sometimes sleeping way too much!

T -THINGS THAT ARE WORRYING YOU RIGHT NOW: Wondering if we can successfully conceive and have a happy and healthy pregnancy….

U – UNINTERESTED IN: people who are un-willing to try new things.

V – VERY SCARED OF: not being able to have children.

W – WORST HABITS: not being able to focus, not being able to stick to a diet, and not being able to exercise regularly.

X – X MARKS MY IDEAL VACATION SPOT: Traveling though Southeast Asia!!

Y – YUMMIEST DESSERT: my homemade brownies!!

Z – ZODIAC SIGN: Cancer

Another week passes.....

This weekend was rather uneventful. But we did go to the movies on Friday and saw Shutter Island. It had a definite feeling of a Hitchcock type movie, so I definitely recommend it as a good one to see. Poor DH had to work on Sunday….tax season is always crazy for him at work. So while he was at the office I spent the day cleaning. I vacuumed everything; the stairs, closets, rugs, etc… which is quite a chore seeing as our home is a Tri-level. Carrying the vacuum up and down each staircase can be hard work. I cleaned the kitchen, organized cabinets, scrubbed the bathrooms, and washed and folded laundry. I was actually kind of enjoying it. I know that sounds weird but I do like to clean! The problem is I like to clean so much that sometimes it distracts me from what I really should be doing.

Oh, I also tried out a new recipe for dinner last night. I made Pad Kee Mao (Thai Drunken Noodles) and it was fantastic. For the past few months I’ve tried to spice things up in the kitchen and we have been trying to add some fun new recipes to our weekly repertoire. The Pad Kee Mao was really simple and it will now be a part of our little cookbook. If you are interested in making this dish I can pass along the recipe to you. As for this week; I have planned quite a food adventure. We are having Honey and Black Pepper Beef with rice tonight, Vegetable Thai Green Curry on Tuesday, Beef Bourguignon on Wednesday, Keema Curry with Naan on Thursday, and Friday is still up in the air but I’m sure I will figure it out.

On the TTC journey….. I’m totally annoyed! It’s CD25 for me and I never did get a confirmed +OPK! I thought I had a possible positive a few days ago but my temp was never really able to confirm it. I ran out of tests and I have no desire to pick up any more. It’s strange because at CD15 I had all the signs of O…EWCM, sore BBs and slight cramping, I totally thought I would get a +OPK but it never happened. So I kept testing and testing and testing…NOTHING! DH and I have been BDing every other day since AF left so we could be sure not to miss O. Now the only thing I can do is hope that I O’d and that the OPK missed my surge. The other confusion I have is that because this is my first cycle since the m/c, I’m not sure when to expect AF. Before the m/c my cycles were 33 days so if all goes back to normal I guess I should expect either a BFP or an AF around March 3rd. I’m not getting my hopes up and if it doesn’t happen this cycle I’m ready to move to the next.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

I feel GUILTY

Nothing chases the romance out of the bedroom like TTC. My DH and I are no strangers to the flat out inconvenient pressure that TTC puts in the bedroom. Everything is so technical and mapped out; When, Where, How, etc… Nothing is more annoying than having to feel so obligated to commit to BD just because you’re worried to miss your window of opportunity. I won’t lie it’s taken the joy out of intimacy, now it’s just flat out work. Last night I was far from being in the mood in fact I think we both were. But I had a slightly positive OPK (I think)………so we both put on a brave face and did the deed. This is how the past week has been for us and I feel guilty……..Guilty because I feel like it is a chore when it shouldn’t be. Guilty because my miscarriage has only made me want a baby more. Guilty because I spent many years avoiding pregnancy only to now desperately want it. Guilty because I cannot relax or take my mind off of it. Guilty because I was na├»ve to believe that every pregnancy has a happy ending. Guilty because I’m jealous of other women when I shouldn’t be. Guilty because I like to watch Baby Story and Bringing Home Baby just so I can cry. Guilty because I spend hours searching the internet about TTC. Guilty because I read the books too. Guilty because I’m angry when I see unfit parents with babies (like 16 and Pregnant on MTV). Guilty because I feel so useless…....

I feel Guilty

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

BBT Confusion!!



Trying To Conceive graphics



So I have been charting my BBT and I’m getting really frustrated and confused. I don’t really know what I should be seeing, but I think my temps are wacky. I started charting on January 25th, which was a few days before AF. My temp bounced up and down during AF. Then on the day AF ended it dropped from 97.1 to 96.1 which is insane! Then it only continued to bounce up and down. If you look at my chart below you can see for yourself. Even today’s temp has a significant drop! I’m confused because I started testing with OPKs on CD8 and have yet to see a BFP. So now it’s CD20 and I have been having all the signs that O is approaching for the past few days; EWCM, sore breasts, cramping, some slight bloating, but I cannot seem to get a BFP on my OPK!!! I’m going CRAZY!!! If my temp doesn’t increase and I’m not getting a positive OPK then why the heck do I see these other symptoms?!?!?!?!?

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Monday, February 15, 2010

Winter Wonderland

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We had a wonderful Valentine’s Day. Zack and I stayed home and prepared a delightful dinner for two. Currently we are snowed in! I can’t believe the snow has not let up once. Poor Zack had to get out a shovel twice today and we will still be buried in snow tomorrow.

As far as TTC goes…..we have been hard at work. My OPK still reads negative and I’ve been testing twice a day. But we’ve been getting lots of practice nonetheless. I’m almost positive I’ll O sometime this week, all the signs are there. I never realized how much waiting is involved in TTC. It can make time feel so slow and I’m a very impatient person. But on the upside I have been keeping myself very busy. So that helps pass the time.

We have been intensely watching the Olympics and it has been rather entertaining. We are of course now wishing we still lived in Seattle because we had intended on making a trip up to Vancouver to see the event and would never have thought we would be living in Ohio now. But life has a funny way of making things happen. So now here we are in our own winter wonderland some 3,000 miles away from everything we are familiar with.

To anyone reading this I hope you had a wonderful Valentine’s Day!

My Most Watched Movies of the Decade

My list of most frequently viewed films of the 00’s decade. This is NOT a list of my favorite films of the decade but a list of the films that I enjoyed and watched over and over again through this past decade.

10. The Hangover

We went and saw this film opening weekend, it was of course silly but hilarious and continues to make me laugh. I am of course a Todd Phillips fan and enjoyed watching Old School and Road Trip; this film was very reminiscent of what I love about those silly comedies.

9. SuperBad

When I first saw this film I wasn’t sure what to think. It was pretty funny and slightly vulgar but there was something redeeming about this coming of age story. It reminds me of a newer age American Pie and I can appreciate that. Michael Cera plays the perfect awkward teenager and I’ve been a fan of his since Arrested Development. This movie makes me laugh more and more every time I watch it.

8. Slumdog Millionaire

Way before this film was ever hyped for Oscar bait I saw it and fell in love. In fact we had followed this movie way before it was released and were anticipating its arrival. The story is as much of a love story as it is a rags to riches tale. I love the music, the vibrant colors, and the unique look into another culture. They top it off by ending the film with a fun Bollywood style dance. I love it!

7. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

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I love Tim Burton, I love Johnny Depp, and most of all I love musicals. I saw this film 3 times in theaters and too many times to count at home. I know all the words and all the songs. I’ve been known to break out randomly singing the tunes. Yes, it is a dark and strangely disturbing tale about revenge and murder but I can’t help but fall in love with the eerie darkness, and the quirky absurdities and character to this film.

6. 40 year old virgin

This movie cracked me up from the beginning. I love Steve Carell and the guy plays the part of a sexually inexperienced male quite well. It’s raunchy but somehow still romantic. You are certainly rooting for the virgin by the end. Carell is hilarious and he even performed the chest waxing scene in the flesh which makes it that much funnier.

5. 500 days of summer

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Let me start off by saying that I’m a huge fan of Joseph Gordon-Levitt and this film is absolutely on my list of favorites. Sadly this film really didn’t get much love as far as Oscars go, so if you haven’t seen this please do! It has revolutionized the love story with a look into the ups and downs of a relationship and that breaking up is hard to do. The movie is emotional and your right beside Tom as he falls in love and quickly has his heart broken. AMAZING!

4. Hot Fuzz

Absolutely Brilliant! I love Simon Pegg and Nick Frost; they truly work well together. This film had me laughing and enthralled with the excitement of shoot-outs, car chases, witty twists, and quirky English humor.

3. Shaun of the Dead

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I’ve seen this film so many times I could practically recite it. My husband and I even use quotes from the movie on what seems like a daily basis. A hilarious look at the tale of the zombie apocalypse, it’s suspenseful, comedic, bloody, and even has a love story; there’s something for everyone.

2. Role Models

I laugh at something new every time I see this movie. Bobb'e J. Thompson and Christopher Mintz-Plasse are a hilarious combination with Paul Rudd and Seann William Scott. Yes, the story is rather predictable but it is funny nevertheless.

1.Forgetting Sarah Marshall

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The first time I saw this I wasn’t really sure if I liked it; after all who isn’t freaked out by the odd male nudity, but it grew on me and now I watch it practically every time it’s on. The fact that I have a love for Hawaii may have some influence on why I love this film, but it’s more than that. It’s another story about moving on after a break up and the film features some pretty funny characters along for the ride. This is a movie I’ll probably continue to laugh at each time I see it.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Silly wishes and Garbage TV

I love when you wish for something and it comes true…

Okay so it may be a silly wish but last week I hoped and prayed that Hobby Lobby this fantastic craft store around the corner from our home would have a 50% off sale on their scrapbooking section. And to my pleasure they DID! So I headed on over and shopped to my little heart’s content and managed to rack up a bill of over 100 dollars. But before you gasp with a displeased sigh let me inform you that this amount of money bought me 12 albums, 3 packs of paper, 8 packs of page refills, and 10 packs of assorted stickers…..Yes I am a thrifty shopper and not even a snowy blizzard could keep me from getting to that sale!!! LOL!

So you may be wondering why the heck I would need that much scrapbook stuff? Well Zack and I have an extensive collection of autographed photos. Our collection includes over 600 autographed photos which include; Johnny Depp, Robert DeNiro, Michael Jordan, Mark McGwire, Willie Mays, Denzel Washington, Hilary Swank, Cameron Diaz, Elizabeth Taylor, Charlize Theron, Halle Berry, Faye Dunaway, Clint Eastwood, Tom Cruise, Kevin Spacey, Mel Gibson, Geroge Clooney, and we even have Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin. I could go on but I won’t because you get the point! All of these autographs have shamefully been stored in a file box and hidden in a closet. I wanted to create albums of the photos so that they can be better appreciated. So that is currently what I’m working on.

On another note…..

I disgracefully must admit that I have been watching “Toddlers and Tiaras”…..I know…..I know…. I really didn’t want to admit that! Don’t worry I have no desire to become a pageant mom but what I do want to say about the show is…..WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE! It’s truly disturbing that these mothers must parade their daughters in princess outfits, makeup, false teeth, fake tans, fake hair, manicured hands and toes, SWIMSUITS, and top it off with stripper dance moves across a stage in front of creepy judges who have done nothing to qualify them as beauty experts on 4 year olds!!!!!! I’m in total disgust especially when a male judge admits to the camera that he was working in an office supply store and a woman came in and said, “You look like a nice professional person would you like to come be a judge for us at a children's beauty pageant?” I can’t decide what’s creepier the fact that they asked a random guy to be a judge or the fact that he accepted!!! Then there’s the mom who adopted a little girl from China and forces her to participate in these ridiculous pageants just so that this mom can parade around beside her. This mother has a stripper pole in her home and performs in front of her own mother as well as her daughter. She actually threatened to take away her daughters favorite toys if she performed poorly!!! This is sick!

Sorry I had to vent…..I don’t know why I watch……it’s so bad you just can’t look away!!!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Hoping to Occupy My Time

I was avoiding coming on here because I wasn’t sure if I had anything to say……I’m still not sure if I do.

Today is CD13 for me and the search for my O has begun. I assume it will arrive this weekend but really have no idea if it will or won’t. But I will say that the time has happily flown by which I’m very grateful for because I know my patience will wear thin when I reach the 2WW.

Life outside of TTC is rather entertaining or at least it’s keeping me busy. Today was once again “LOST Tuesday” so that is always something to look forward to. My DH and I were also wrapped up in checking out the Bonnaroo lineup for the festival this June. We are very excited as this will be our first year attending. Hopefully I will be pregnant and we can really enjoy what may be our “last” concert festival for a long time. And lastly; I have been constantly working on finishing up some old scrapbooks and I’m getting close to reaching my goal. All in all I have done a good job of keeping myself occupied.

We are currently snowed in and outside is quite a scene. The snow is falling in a blizzard like swirl and EVERYTHING is white! I really do love snow, and I love it even more when I don’t have to drive in it. They predict that the snow will continue through Valentine’s Day, so I guess we’ll be staying snug here at home.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Rantings of a crazed "LOST" fan and other daily thoughts

I started thinking it was a big step for me to sit down and really write how I feel. I have spent the past few months searching the web looking for support. I found it! I found it at the many communities I joined like the Baby Center Community and the Parents Community Support. I have read some amazing stories about women who have triumphed through life’s tragedies. Some of them broke my heart and many were hard to read. I found support from reading these blogs of women who have suffered loss. Many who have had extremes far worse than I; from stillborns and preemies to horribly difficult pregnancies. It made me realize that no loss big or small is insignificant. All of these stories have helped me see a positive aspect to a tragic situation that no woman should have to go through.

I’m not sure how writing in my blog about the day to day dealings with TTC will pan out in the end. But for now it’s a way to vent and whether or not any one reads or pays attention to my words doesn’t really matter. The fact is that this is my journal and it may not be exciting to read as I rant about my frustrations, but if my day to day writings gives one ounce of support to someone out there who is doing exactly what I was a month ago (searching the web for support) then I can feel a sense of purpose.

On another note; I can’t always discuss my daily battles with TTC. Let's face the facts it's not exactly entertaining, and not to mention there are days when my thoughts may be far from it or at least trying to forget it. This is one of those times…...

Tonight is the Season premiere of “LOST” and I’m not ashamed to admit I’m a total geek for that show. I’m such a fan that going to sleep last night I was like a kid on Christmas Eve. I was tossing and turning and constantly looking at the clock wondering if it was time to wake up yet. Both DH and I have been acting like today is the Super Bowl of TV shows. I’ve even planned dinner around a central theme of the “LOST Island”. Yes, I am that much of a dork. DH has been chatting me up via email all day sending me web links to get me pumped up even more, but that truly wasn’t even necessary. So while everyone else in the world may be settling in for a normal Tuesday evening. I promise you that our house will be nothing of the sort. We will be tuning in and watching episodes just to wet our appetite before the 3 hour event begins. We will be eating mangoes, drinking coconut water, and possibly dipping our veggies in some DHARMA Ranch Composite(yes I went there) …and I dare you to try to stop us. LOL!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Introduction to Me

Let’s begin from the start. My DH and I have been married for a little over 2 years. We first met in the 7th grade and started dating at age 17. We have been inseparable since. We always knew we wanted to be parents; we just weren’t sure when we would be ready. All of a sudden a switch was flipped and we knew we wanted to start a family right away. We just moved to Cincinnati, OH in July 2009 after living in the West our entire lives. It’s a fresh start here and the beginning of a new adventure for us. So we settled in to our new habitat and the baby making began.

We were so optimistic when we first took on this endeavor. It was October, 21 2009 our second anniversary and day one of operation baby. I had spent the previous few months getting things figured out. Between exercising, diet changes, BBT, prenatal vitamins, dental work, and a doctors checkup…..BOOM my body was a healthy baby making machine and was ready to go. So we jumped right in and spent a week in Upstate New York for a little romance and some BD. Though we weren’t sure when I would O we assumed it was around October 29th according to FF.

So we continued to BD through Halloween. The 2ww began and it was brutal! I remember waiting desperately for it to end so I could POAS on an HPT and see if we had accomplished the mission. The day finally came I remember not even being able to sleep during the night. I had visions of double pink lines dancing in my head. I woke up and DH got the video camera and……BFN! So now what do I do? We decided to wait another week and see if AF would make an appearance. She never did. So POAS week 2, once again DH grabbed the video camera and……..BFN! Wow really? So we decided to just wait for AF to show up. We waited and waited and waited….LITERALLY!

Thanksgiving morning came and we had planned on running a 10k. We figured it would keep our minds busy seeing as how AF was now over 2 weeks late. Even though I had no signs of AF and no obvious signs that I was PG I decided to take another HPT before we left for the race. Once again DH got the video camera ready and……..BFN! We left for the race. During the race I was having some pretty bad cramping and feeling rather sick and the urge to pee kept building. I had to take a pee break mid race and probably could have had a couple more of them if I wasn’t so good at holding it in. We finished the race, came home and the two of us passed out for the remainder of the holiday weekend.

Life began to return to normal though I was still awaiting the arrival of my dear AF. She never did show and it was getting ridiculous. On December 6th I woke up and felt the need to POAS. This time DH did not get the video camera per my request; it was getting annoying to have documentation of the BFN let downs. So I did the test and………1 bright pink line and 1 very faint pink line. It was so faint I asked DH if I imagined it. But he saw it too. So we raced to the store and bought one of those digital HPTs that simply say “Pregnant” or “Not Pregnant”. I waited till the next morning though it nearly killed me but I really wanted to use FMU. I woke up feeling oober excited! I studied the directions to the test prior to going to sleep so I was over prepared. I POAS and waited; the timer came up on the test and I watched that clock spin for the full 3 minutes and then the result appeared……BFP! I nearly fainted! I ran to the bedroom and DH was asleep and I woke him up and said, “I think we did it”. He jumped out of bed took one look at the test and we both were brought to tears.

I called the doctor immediately and set up an appointment for the following day. When we went in we didn’t know what to expect we were still in shock at the possibility that I really was PG. The doctor saw us and checked my uterus. He said it was the size of an “orange” which he exclaimed meant I was a little more than 7 weeks. WOW! He then told us what to expect and set up our next appointment for the first u/s . We went home and began to conjure up a plan on how to tell the family. We quickly delivered the message and both our families were thrilled to hear the news.

The baby bug had hit us big and it was all we could think about. It was so fun and exciting; really too good to be true………

On December 12, 2009 we headed out for a little “us” time. We went to the mall and had some lunch at The Old Spaghetti Factory. I went to the bathroom 3 times during our meal, which I had come accustomed to doing in the past week. However when I went to the bathroom I saw some light spotting. I was shocked but I had read in many books that spotting came be perfectly normal. We finished off our wonderful day and went home. The next day the bleeding became more intense. I was in denial that anything could be wrong and was trying to be optimistic. But then came a 4 hour period where I was passing some really large clots. So large I could feel then move through me…which was weird but thankfully not painful. I called the Dr. office but they were closed seeing as how it was Sunday. We debated going to the ER but the fact was that I was bleeding but I wasn’t in pain. So we decided to wait until morning.

I called the Dr. ASAP the next day and they asked me to come in right away for a vaginal u/s. When we arrived at the hospital I remember being super nervous. We had to sit in the lobby which was filled with babies and PG ladies. They called us back and the process began. The u/s tech wiggled that probe all around I watched the screen looking for something but it was all too new for me to understand. She snapped some photos and excused herself from the room. I remember DH and I both looked at each other and said, “Did you see anything?” The doctor appeared seconds later and started babbling, “sometimes there are several factors that contribute to the end result and blah blah blah……..the good news is that you’re healthy and you have the ability to ovulate and many women go on to have a successful pregnancy after miscarriage….you guys can try again in 2 weeks.” I sat there stunned and trying to process the words and medical jargon she was feeding me. It was like she was reading a script and I was playing the part of distraught patient. I kept replaying her words as I sat there and then an uncontrollable urge to cry burst out and the tears would not stop welling in my eyes. The u/s tech said, “we’ll give you a moment to gather yourself and then we need you to come give us a blood sample” and then she popped out of the room. DH and I hugged and I tried to gather myself. We exited the room and I went to get a needle jabbed in my arm. As I sat there I didn’t say one word to the nurse nor did she to me. She removed the needle I grabbed my purse and DH and I quickly passed through the busy lobby of PG women with our heads down, then stood in a crowded elevator for 7 floors until we reached the parking garage, then we walked to the car, I quickly climbed in and let out the biggest burst of tears that I have ever given. Words could not even form in my mouth as I sat there sobbing during a 40 minute drive back home. When we arrived home, DH and I spent a full day in bed without food or water or anything. I just wanted to sleep and possibly wake up from this nightmare I must be having. I wanted to escape from my body and I questioned why it failed me.

It took a few days before I could even look at a PG woman or a baby without tears forming. But I am fortunate that I have a supportive husband who will go to the ends of the earth to comfort me and together the sadness soon faded and we began to discuss the desire to try again.

Today February 1, 2010 is the first day on our new TTC journey. I’m currently experiencing my first AF since the m/c. This puts me on schedule to O around Valentine’s Day. We hope cupid is looking out for us and will give us a little love baby. We are super prepared and I’m armed with OPKs and ready to POAS at the first sign that AF has finished her visit. Here’s to a fresh start and lots of *Sticky Baby Dust* because right now it’s Big Belly or Bust!
 

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