Welcome ICLW

Welcome to my blog everyone from ICLW, glad you could stop by. My name is Patricia and my husband and I have been trying to conceive after a miscarriage in December of last year. You can learn more about me by reading this.

I thought I’d list the 10 things that make me smile

1. Getting my good morning kiss from my hubby before he heads off to work. I usually have my sleep mask on and when he puts his lips to mine I’ll gently wake up and smile.

2. Singing at the top of my lungs to my favorite songs.

3. The feeling you get after working out. It’s so hard to even want to start but then once you do there’s this unbelievable feeling to push harder and keep going.

4. Going to the movies. I’ll watch practically anything on the big screen.

5. Being near the water. It soothes me. After moving away from Seattle last year to a land locked State I knew it would be difficult. So my hubby and I found a home near a small lake to help get through it.

6. Traveling…….I love to go places and always dreamed about the adventures I’d like to have. We have already had a few memorable travel moments but I know the future holds many more. Top of my list is South East Asia…..all of it!!

7. Cooking, I love to cook and I love to eat. I love trying out new recipes. On an average week I try at least 3 new recipes. I love finding new ingredients and getting cool kitchen gadgets.

8. Our dog Roxy, she is so sweet and cuddly. She is so in love with us and you can tell. It’s nice to have a furry companion to greet you when you come home.

9. Shopping….especially when it involves getting a bargain. My hubby and I are bargain hunters and are obsessed with this forum called Slick Deals. For instance our latest deal was today; we picked up Disney’s Princess and the Frog on Blu-Ray for $2.79. YES! A brand new Blu-Ray movie for two dollars and seventy-nine cents!

10. Organization! I’m very crazy about it. When I see a neatly organized drawer or a well kept closet it makes me smile. I love being able to bust out my label maker and go to town on something.

A New Reflection

I can’t even begin to tell you how much BDing there has been this month! And the best part is that it wasn’t forced due to O symptoms or positive OPKs; nope it was just.......... for FUN! It’s really hard to believe how relaxed I’ve been this cycle. I don’t even have a clue when I would have O’d or if I even did. I ignored all symptoms and I didn’t even look for CM signs. I feel like a whole new me!

Another funny thing is that we started trying to plan a vacation in September or October. We have been thinking about taking a cruise to some where beachy and our options are very open as prices are so low right now. We found nearly 10 different cruise itineraries that we could choose from all leaving around the same time frame. The only catch……..well you can’t take a cruise unless your less than 24 weeks. In a way it has really given me something positive to look forward to if we don’t get pregnant in the next few months. If the months of April and May do not bring us a BFP we will be booking our trip. It puts a positive spin on a negative result. I think this makes it a little easier to except. And I’m truly feeling like I could deal with seeing reoccurring BFN’s for now. I’m more focused on getting back in shape, eating right, various home projects, working on a tan, and simply being normal again……….. I haven’t felt normal since the miscarriage.

It's like A NEW person is looking back at me in the mirror.....

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Time has really flown by since I started not trying to track my cycle. It has been extremely relaxing to not have to continuously worry about temping and POAS. I can’t describe how wonderful I feel. I have been keeping busy around the house and started all kinds of new projects that will keep me occupied for a while. I cleaned the garage and organized all of our tools and reconfigured the garage layout. I also purchased two fabulous cookbooks; actually they are textbooks on French Culinary Techniques. They are amazing and I plan to work through each page testing out the techniques and hopefully picking up a few good recipes along the way. I’m sure there will be a few disasters but that’s all part of the learning process. I was so excited when they arrived and I immediately flipped through the books (which was not easy because they are both over 500 pages) and came up with a shopping list of the tools and supplies I’ll need to get started. Luckily I’m already a decent cook so many of the tools I already had but now I can focus on sharpening up my skills.

I’m also working on finding art pieces for our living room. Most of our house is decorated with art, painted walls and such but I just never could decide how I wanted to do the living room. But now I have an idea and I’m on the hunt for the pieces of furniture and art to compliment the space.

I’m also thinking about breaking out the sewing machine again. I’m an amateur at best, and I would really love to learn more. I think I might stop by Barnes and Noble and pick up a few books to help get me started. Maybe I can finally learn how to sew using an actual pattern. I usually just randomly start stitching and some how I’ve managed but I really want to learn how to do some more detailed projects.

Another project I have been working on is putting together my gift for my Secret Pal. I finished it and sent it through the mail yesterday. I hope it makes it to her safely........I signed up for this project on Wistful Girls Blog. Check it out and maybe you’ll want to get a Secret Pal of your own.

And of course I have been really sticking to working out. I haven’t weighed myself so I have no idea if I’m actually losing any weight which is obviously the goal but I feel great and my energy level has shot up. I usually do 45 minutes of hard cardio aerobics in the morning and then in the evening while watching tv with my hubby we both hop on the good old exercise bikes. On average I ride them for 20 miles per day. But yesterday I watched two movies and biked the whole way through so I actually rode 49 miles. The only downside is my bum hurts so bad and feels like it’s bruised. I joked with hubby and said I need one of those doughnut cushions for my tushy!

The warm sunny weather has really kept me motivated. I love waking up to the bright sun shining through the windows. It makes me smile and comforts me to know that today is a beautiful day and worth getting up for. Since Last week we have been working on training our dog. She is so smart and I can’t believe how quickly she is learning. We have a meeting with the trainer today and I hope it goes as smooth as it went last week. Hopefully Roxy remembers the trainer and can just pick up right where we left off.

Hope everyone has a wonderful day….Don’t forget your GREEN!

Oh the Places You'll Go.......

I was reflecting on the past decade and the exciting things that have happened. And as we continue to embark on this journey of life it was nice to remember some of the sites we've seen along our journey so far......

Oh the Places We've Called Home......

Reno, Nevada Las Vegas, Nevada Seattle, Washington Cincinnati, Ohio

Oh the Places We've Seen.....

Cabo San Lucas, Mexico Cannon Beach, Oregon Cozumel, Mexico

Galveston, Texas Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands Hamilton, Bermuda Honolulu, Hawaii La Paz, Mexico Loreto, Mexico Los Angeles, California Mazatlan, Mexico Montego Bay, Jamaica (Mt. Rushmore)Keystone, South Dakota Niagara Falls, New York Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Puerto Vallarta, Mexico San Francisco, California San Juan, Puerto Rico Sioux Falls, South Dakota St. Maarten, Netherlands Antilles St. Thomas, US Virgin Islands Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming AND MANY OTHER LITTLE CITIES ALONG THE WAY....

Memorable Moments......

Walking the miles and miles of sandy beach on a cool overcast day in Cannon Beach, Oregon. We brought our dog Roxy too; and she loved dodging waves and sniffing out strange sea creatures that washed up on shore. Our favorite movie The Goonies was filmed there and we reminisced on the location and relived the film in our heads.

Beach Bumming on Horseshoe Bay Beach in Bermuda was amazing! The pink sand is something I'll never forget I even scooped up a handful to take home. The beach was practically deserted and we played in the powerful waves as they brushed the shore.

Hiking in Mayfield Falls in Jamaica was one of the craziest things we've ever done. We hitched a ride up into the jungle with a thugged-out Jamaican we could barely understand and he drove us in this rickety van like a mad man up a windy dirt hill. The van swerved and slided as we took hairpin turns for nearly an hour. At one point we turned to each other and said, "You know we could die up here and nobody would even know". Along the rocky dirt road we saw the very real side of Jamaica; shanty shacks made out cardboard and fabric, raggedy clothing and often shoe-less villagers, no running water, chickens and mountain goats wandering freely through the streets, Police officers armed with machine guns, and drug dealers carrying bricks of Mary Jane that they would pound against the vehicle windows trying to get you to buy. When we reached the the top of the hill we were greeted by the lush scenery and as we hiked we noticed men patrolling an area off to the right armed with weapons and we realized it was a marijuana farm. We ignored it but we both gave each other the "look"; after all this isn't something you see everyday. The falls were beautiful and totally worth the adventure. While swimming in the cool water we saw many of the locals heading down to the stream to either bathe, drink, or wash their clothing. It was strange to think that this place we traveled so far to see was nothing more than a watering hole to the locals. All in all it was a place I'll never forget, but probably never go to again.

Snorkeling in St. Thomas was something I'll never forget. We found a local diver to take us around the area for the day. We rode along with him in his "Beach Ride" he called it; and he took us for a round trip around the island. The entire island is only 13 miles long and 4 miles wide, but with traffic and the zig zagging roads it can really seem much bigger. He took us to several snorkel spots and we all hopped out and took a swim. He even showed us a trick with dog biscuits, YES, you could hand feed the fish with these biscuits which was fun but we were startled a few times when giant yellow fins came chomping towards us with their jagged teeth. Our tour guide was awesome though and he had lots of fun stories to share. He had previously been a radio DJ out in L.A. and moved out to the islands for his love for diving and island life. He was a true beach boy living the dream......

2 weeks in Hawaii! Oahu to be exact. We rented a house on the North Shore and spent our days sight-seeing and living like true locals. Eating plate lunches, Ahi Poke, Spam masubi, moco locos, Matsumoto's Shaved Ice, Haupia Pie from Ted's, and buying fresh mangoes and papayas. We visited Waikiki, Waimea Falls, and Pearl Harbor. We snorkeled at Waimea Beach and Sharks Cove. But my favorite spot along the trip was spending the day in Haleiwa. We also had fun spotting location spots where the TV show LOST is filmed. I think I could totally live in Hawaii!

Swimming with Sting Rays in Grand Cayman! Yeah the boat ride out to the sand bar was a little rough....but it was worth it because out in the middle of the turquoise ocean water was a sand bar! A sand bar is an incredible piece of land submerged underwater but still shallow enough to stand and it was in the MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN! Amazing! and the sting rays were really cool too. We got to kiss them and feed them which was something I'll never forget.

ATVing on Megrino Beach in Cabo San Lucas! So fun! That's really all I can say. FUN FUN FUN!!

Disneyland! Yes we love Disneyland and can't wait to take our own children there. We have been too many times to count and it never gets old. Still waiting to go to Disney World but really it's Disneyland that started it all.......

Can't wait to see what's next........

Taking a New Approach

The next two cycles we’ve decided to change the game plan. DH and I have went back and forth about whether or not to try these next two months. I’ve been stressed out and there’s a lot of pressure and I need time to compose myself; mentally and physically.

So together DH and I decided that we would take a new approach…………….We decided we won’t try as hard, but we certainly won’t prevent these next few months!

So goodbye OPKs!! Goodbye BBT!! Goodbye checking CM! Goodbye checking CP!

I can now spend these next two months a little more carefree, which I’m certainly looking forward to. And after these next two cycles if nothing happens then I'll go back to the good old OPKs and all that other business. But for now I don't want to think about it.

Down for the count!

After having the miscarriage I thought I had come to terms with it. I was used to the things people say and many of them I took some comfort in. They said things like;

“It’s so much easier to get pregnant after miscarriage because you’re more fertile”
“At least you know that you can get pregnant”
“You can always try again”
“You’re still young”
“It was a bad egg”
“At least you lost it early”

And at first I was optimistic……I was ready to hop back in a try it again. I was happy and anxious and thrilled about what could be. I felt that nothing could stop us……

But now we’re going into the third month since the miscarriage and I grow more furious that the little bean I had was taken from me. I grow more enraged that it was all a lie; and it never really was going to be easy. I grow more depressed as each week passes. They feel like an eternity. Where have the past three months gone…..I’ve been lost in checking temperature charts and cervical mucus; so much that I’ve forgotten what it means to be a human. A human with the desire and need to get out of the house, to be excited for the weekend, to look forward to events like a new movie being released, to spend the day shopping at the mall, to pick up a good book to read, to go on the computer without navigating through baby websites for hours. What have I become?

Whatever it is it can’t continue. I can’t believe it’s March! The excitement of finding out we were pregnant in October and the disappointment of the miscarriage in December are months behind me now but I have yet to move on from the agony of trying to capture a glimmer of hope.

All hope is lost for this cycle!! Yesterday seemed so promising as I woke up with my temperature still climbing. I was anticipating the day to end so I could wake up today and test. But then late afternoon yesterday the spotting seemed to pick up so I spent the remainder of it running to the bathroom every hour to check the progress. This morning I woke up expecting the worst and it was a good decision to do so, because my temp dropped way below my cover-line and my morning pit stop proved that this is definitely AF.

Another cycle passes! I’m defeated once more. I feel like a boxer who’s put up a good fight. I landed a few punches on my opponent and when they landed some on me I came back swinging harder. I even came close to winning a few rounds, but it’s the 12th round with only a minute left and I just suffered a knock-out punch. I’m down for the count!

Sunshine Award

For me? Oh really you shouldn’t have…..BUT I’M GALD YOU DID!!

My first Blog Award…..



Well I just have so many to thank; Let’s see...... thank you to Soup Mama for passing this award along to me, thank you to my readers I love all your support and love, and thank you to my body and mind for not only providing me with the material to write about but for giving me the strength to actually do so.

The rules for this award are as follows:
•Put the logo on your blog or within your post.
•Pass the award onto 12 bloggers.
•Link the nominees within your post.
•Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
•Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award.

Here are the bloggers I pass this award onto:
Life, Love, and Persuit of Our Fairytale
I Will Be A Mom
My Basic World
Inconceivable!
Rachel's Randomness
The (In)fertility Diaries
The Brestar Family~ Confessions of neurotic parents
The Journey Through Life
The Road to Happily Ever After
Thoughts from a Blonde
Wistful Girl
Journey into the Pastry World

Congratulations! I've selected you because I love reading your posts and you have given me inspiration and hope. So here’s a little sunshine in return.