Patricia-ology

I saw this on Leslie’s Journey through Life blog and thought it would be fun to pass on!

Rules: YOU! Yes, you, reading this. You're tagged. Now that you know more about me than you ever wanted to know, play the game, it's fun! Let others know a little more about yourself, repost this as your name followedy by "ology."

FOODOLOGY:

What is your salad dressing of choice? Vinaigrette

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? We really miss Pen Thai in Bellevue, WA

What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Port of Subs, I wish we had one in Ohio

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Sub Sandwiches from Port of Subs

What are your pizza toppings of choice? Mushrooms and Provolone

How many televisions are in your house? Two

What color cell phone do you have? Black


BIOLOGY:

Are you right-handed or left-handed? Right

Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Wisdom teeth, Mole on my lower back

Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Nope

Have you ever fainted? Nope

BULLCRAPOLOGY:

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? I do not want to know my expiration date!

If you could change your name, what would you change it to? I like my name

How many pairs of flip flops do you own? Too many to count, I love ‘em

Last person you talked to? My DH


FAVORITOLOGY:

Season? Autumn

Holiday? Christmas.

Day of the week? Saturday

Month? October

Color? Turquoise

Drink? Chai tea

Alcoholic? margaritas
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CURRENTOLOGY:

Missing someone? My family back in Reno, NV

What are you listening to? Interpol

What are you watching? nothing

Worrying about? Testing……will it be BFN or BFP?

What's the last movie you saw? The Crazies

Do you smile often? Yes, and it’s contagious

If you could change your eye color what would it be? I’m a brown eyed girl and love it!

What's on your wish list for your birthday? A BFP and a happy and healthy 9 months

Can you do a chin-up? No and never could

Does the future make you more nervous or excited? BOTH

Have you been in a car wreck? A ROLLOVER!!

Have you caused a car wreck? No

Do you have an accent? No

Last time you cried? Two days ago

Plans tonight? Pizza and a movie with DH

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? No

Name three things you bought yesterday? Pregnancy tests, yogurt, movie tickets

Have you met someone who changed your life? my DH.

For the better or worse? Better of course

How did you bring in the New Year? with DH at home.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Yes.

What songs do you sing in the shower? Too many!

Have you held hands with someone today? My DH

Who was the last person you took a picture of? well not a person, but my dog!

Are most of the friends in your life new or old? Old and they live very far away. We haven’t made any friends in Ohio yet.

Do you like pulpy orange juice? I love the pulp

Last time you ate peanut butter and jelly? I eat like 2 a week.

What were you doing at 12 a.m. last night? Finishing up a movie

What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Did my temp go up??

I NEED STRENGTH

Please give me strength…..

The urge to test is killing me, but I know it would be a huge let down if I did that because it’s probably too early!! I’m really bad at temping but for the past week I have been very diligently trying to keep my temps as accurately as possible, because earlier this month I was temping with hours of difference each day (I know that’s REALLY bad). But know I have been actively taking my temp at the same time each morning for a week. I know it’s hard to believe but I just really want to see it rise. So just so everyone knows I have found that a normal temp for me is 96.7 which I found out back in the month of October of last year. At first I was freaked out thinking I had some abnormality because my temp seemed so low, but I was reassured by my doctor that I was perfectly healthy and my temp was fine. So now that that’s settled let me begin to describe my wacky temps this cycle and hope and pray these are good signs.

CD7 I had a huge temp drop which I relate to the ending of AF

CD12-CD14 I think I may have O’d one of these days because despite the lack of +OPK I had all the other symptoms of O

CD15- CD18 my temp was much higher these days which leads me to believe I can confirm O (hopefully)

CD19-CD20 I had a big dip that I associate with Implantation

CD21-CD23 my temp went back up and was still higher than my normal temp

CD24-CD26 I had light pink discoloration to my CM which I believe to be IB

CD27 which is today; my temp jumped up another .3 degrees!



Hopefully this means good things and if you can’t tell already I’m really getting my hopes up, which is a dangerous thing to do. I’m constantly running to the bathroom to see if AF is going to show up. PLEASE DON’T SHOW UP AF!!!

I’m still having lots of dull cramping down there and every once in a while I will feel a pulling sensation. My bb’s are so sore I can barely walk without wearing a bra. The pink spotting is now gone I think but maybe it will still show later this afternoon. Either way I usually don’t spot mid cycle and if it was AF I feel that from past experiences she would be full force by now if it was.

Silly me, I was watching A Baby Story this morning on TLC and I was sobbing and I have no idea why. I was just so happy for that family and it was so beautiful because they adopted this sweet little boy from Korea. I felt an overwhelming sense of emotion watching the happiness in that woman’s eyes as she met her little boy for the first time. I was crying so hard that I started to gasp for air. You know that feeling? When the tears are falling down so hard and so fast that you can’t even catch your breath? Yea, I was doing that. And then a moment later I just stopped and laughed at myself thinking why in the world are you crying?

So right now all my blogging friends I ask you to give me strength…

The strength to fight the urge to test until next week….

The strength to gain control of my emotions…..

The strength to not let my hopes build my expectations……

and most importantly the strength to not beat myself up if it doesn’t happen this cycle…..


I need Strength!!

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Now I’m in the 1ww…..

So the faint spotting still continues and I’m having dull cramping and pulling still. These are all very similar to the last time I was pregnant so I can’t help but get my hopes up. I really try hard not to go insane during these wait times….but today this is proving hard to accomplish. I don’t know why I allow myself to get like this. Last night I dreamed of getting a BFP as I do many nights but this one really felt so real. I’ve already been scrolling through web pages searching for answers and looking for clues. Is this a symptom? Is that? I’m an internet junkie and right now it is KILLING ME!! A part of me wishes I didn’t have a desire to plan things and I just randomly got knocked up. Then I could have that classic movie like experience where the women doesn’t know she’s pregnant and all of sudden she gets morning sickness and boom takes a test and it’s positive. But NO!!! Instead I have to sit here and dream and ponder and analyze and question!!!! I’m going crazy!

I’m waiting for DH to get home so we can go to the store together, I need a break from the house and plus I want to pick up some Clear Blue Digital Pregnancy Tests. I used them last time and they make it so much easier. I hate trying to interpret lines!!!

Outside of TTC things are pretty dull. The weather started to get cold and snowy again, just as the previous snow started to melt. I did get to watch LOST last night so that was a nice break from reality and gives my week a little excitement. Also DH and I are thinking about going to Church this Sunday……..If you know anything about me then you are shocked! Yes it’s true, I decided to go to church because I need to have more purpose to my life. Currently I’m not working and there’s nothing really for me to do that feels significant so I thought I’d start to do some volunteering. After all I have an amazing opportunity seeing as how for the first time it’s not needed that I contribute to the income and although I’ve offered to work just for the sake of some extra money the fact is that I enjoy my time I just wish it had more meaning. So that’s where church comes in; the best way to get out there and volunteer is through a church plus I can meet new people which since we moved to Ohio I haven’t done at all! I’m actually pretty excited about it because it will give me something to clear my mind and I need that.

I can be an Optimist

I happily confess that I have once again actively started working out. For those of you who are just getting to know me. I go in and out of my working out phases. But back in June of last year I started running 2 miles every day! This continued all the way into December; but it ended there because I had a m/c with our first PG. So I convinced myself that extreme workouts were probably not the best when TTC. So now 2 months have passed since the m/c and let’s just say I’m feeling a little sluggish. So I started to work out again and the past four days I have been amazed by how quickly I got out of shape. But not to fear I’m back in the game! This morning I really was not feeling up to it. I forced myself to work out for about 40 minutes this morning. There’s something significant to the feeling you get when sweat is pouring down your face, and puddles are forming in the small your back, your muscles are throbbing, the taste of guzzling down that first glass of water, and then finally that delightful shower that rejuvenates your body and mind. Aaahhhh……I feel great. Today is a good day!

For TTC matters; well for the past few days I’ve been having some twinges in my lower abdomen , my breasts have been sore, and I started to have a pinkish discharge when I wipe. Sorry if that’s TMI. I don’t want to get my hopes up but it could be IB. maybe?

My first ICLW

I’m new to blogging and thought this would be a fun way to kick it off. I’m participating in ICLW. So in honor of ICLW I thought I’d do the ABC’s of me….

THE ABC’S OF ME

A – ADVOCATE FOR: the removal of heavy TV censorship…it’s ridiculous!

B – BEST FEATURE: my hair and naturally tan

C – COULD DO WITHOUT: pregnancy loss

D – DREAMS & DESIRES: to have a beautiful child with my DH

E – ESSENTIAL ITEMS: internet, running water, and makeup.

F – FAVORITE PAST TIME: traveling, a few highlights include; Hawaii, Jamaica, Bermuda, Mexico, South Korea, and St. Maarten.

G – GOOD AT: cooking and baking!

H – HAVE NEVER TRIED: surfing….I’d like to.

I – IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS: Travel the world learning to cook different cuisines and experience different cultures.

J – JUNKIE FOR: watching movies and I cannot turn down a brownie!

K – KINDRED SPIRIT: don’t have one yet….

L – LITTLE KNOWN FACT: I’ve never had a broken bone…..ever!

M – MEMORABLE MOMENT: Getting married on October 21, 2007

N – NEVER AGAIN WILL I: drink to point that I need guidance to the bathroom and I’m repeatedly telling my DH that I think I’m dying as vomit is spraying from my mouth. That was a bad night!

O – OCCASIONAL INDULGENCE: getting my nails done, I usually don’t do those things but sometimes the mood strikes me.

P – PROFESSION: currently a stay at home wife

Q – QUOTE: “I always wondered why they were called roofies, 'cause you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. They should call 'em floories, or maybe rapies” (The Hangover)

R – REASON TO SMILE: I have a wonderful husband who loves me and would go to the ends of the world to give me anything I want or need.

S – SORRY ABOUT: sometimes not returning your calls, sometimes zoning you out, and sometimes sleeping way too much!

T -THINGS THAT ARE WORRYING YOU RIGHT NOW: Wondering if we can successfully conceive and have a happy and healthy pregnancy….

U – UNINTERESTED IN: people who are un-willing to try new things.

V – VERY SCARED OF: not being able to have children.

W – WORST HABITS: not being able to focus, not being able to stick to a diet, and not being able to exercise regularly.

X – X MARKS MY IDEAL VACATION SPOT: Traveling though Southeast Asia!!

Y – YUMMIEST DESSERT: my homemade brownies!!

Z – ZODIAC SIGN: Cancer

Another week passes.....

This weekend was rather uneventful. But we did go to the movies on Friday and saw Shutter Island. It had a definite feeling of a Hitchcock type movie, so I definitely recommend it as a good one to see. Poor DH had to work on Sunday….tax season is always crazy for him at work. So while he was at the office I spent the day cleaning. I vacuumed everything; the stairs, closets, rugs, etc… which is quite a chore seeing as our home is a Tri-level. Carrying the vacuum up and down each staircase can be hard work. I cleaned the kitchen, organized cabinets, scrubbed the bathrooms, and washed and folded laundry. I was actually kind of enjoying it. I know that sounds weird but I do like to clean! The problem is I like to clean so much that sometimes it distracts me from what I really should be doing.

Oh, I also tried out a new recipe for dinner last night. I made Pad Kee Mao (Thai Drunken Noodles) and it was fantastic. For the past few months I’ve tried to spice things up in the kitchen and we have been trying to add some fun new recipes to our weekly repertoire. The Pad Kee Mao was really simple and it will now be a part of our little cookbook. If you are interested in making this dish I can pass along the recipe to you. As for this week; I have planned quite a food adventure. We are having Honey and Black Pepper Beef with rice tonight, Vegetable Thai Green Curry on Tuesday, Beef Bourguignon on Wednesday, Keema Curry with Naan on Thursday, and Friday is still up in the air but I’m sure I will figure it out.

On the TTC journey….. I’m totally annoyed! It’s CD25 for me and I never did get a confirmed +OPK! I thought I had a possible positive a few days ago but my temp was never really able to confirm it. I ran out of tests and I have no desire to pick up any more. It’s strange because at CD15 I had all the signs of O…EWCM, sore BBs and slight cramping, I totally thought I would get a +OPK but it never happened. So I kept testing and testing and testing…NOTHING! DH and I have been BDing every other day since AF left so we could be sure not to miss O. Now the only thing I can do is hope that I O’d and that the OPK missed my surge. The other confusion I have is that because this is my first cycle since the m/c, I’m not sure when to expect AF. Before the m/c my cycles were 33 days so if all goes back to normal I guess I should expect either a BFP or an AF around March 3rd. I’m not getting my hopes up and if it doesn’t happen this cycle I’m ready to move to the next.

I feel GUILTY

Nothing chases the romance out of the bedroom like TTC. My DH and I are no strangers to the flat out inconvenient pressure that TTC puts in the bedroom. Everything is so technical and mapped out; When, Where, How, etc… Nothing is more annoying than having to feel so obligated to commit to BD just because you’re worried to miss your window of opportunity. I won’t lie it’s taken the joy out of intimacy, now it’s just flat out work. Last night I was far from being in the mood in fact I think we both were. But I had a slightly positive OPK (I think)………so we both put on a brave face and did the deed. This is how the past week has been for us and I feel guilty……..Guilty because I feel like it is a chore when it shouldn’t be. Guilty because my miscarriage has only made me want a baby more. Guilty because I spent many years avoiding pregnancy only to now desperately want it. Guilty because I cannot relax or take my mind off of it. Guilty because I was naïve to believe that every pregnancy has a happy ending. Guilty because I’m jealous of other women when I shouldn’t be. Guilty because I like to watch Baby Story and Bringing Home Baby just so I can cry. Guilty because I spend hours searching the internet about TTC. Guilty because I read the books too. Guilty because I’m angry when I see unfit parents with babies (like 16 and Pregnant on MTV). Guilty because I feel so useless…....

I feel Guilty